Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
