somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize