was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
