The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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