cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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