I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
