Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize