what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
