Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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