I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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