either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
