Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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