my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
