u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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