Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
