Buhtt sex?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
