He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
