Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
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