My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
