I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i now understand why vodka
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
