i'm lost and i look like a hooker
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
