saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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