So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
