I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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