Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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