I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
