Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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