...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Are we still banned from the library?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
