bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
