i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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