Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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