My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
