I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
