Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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