I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
