all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
