I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
