she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
