put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
