im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
