you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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