jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
