go do what you do best...puke behind churches
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
