I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
