why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
