mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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