We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
