Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
