i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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