the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
