i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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