the day after is always just damage control
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
