I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
