We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
