This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
