my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
