Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
