Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
