I got chris browned last night
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
