I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
