i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
