she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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